What an incredible, scary, upsetting, yet invigorating start to the second year of grad school! It's been like a roller-coaster: with a few of those dang corkscrews thrown in! The most exciting part: I PASSED MY GRADUATE QUALIFYING HEARING!!! Whoo! In grad school here, at the fancy Westminster Choir College, grad students have to do what's called a Graduate Hearing and also a Graduate Qualifying Hearing/Test. At the discretion of the voice teaching, the grad student is able to combine the two into one, and do just one jury if they pass - and that's it! Well, mine was scheduled for the first week of finals in May, but then Grandma Flo passed away and I had to go home for that whole week to be with the family. Therefore, my hearing got pushed back until the second week of school. Which was scary in and of itself because that meant a summer without many opportunities to keep singing and in tip top vocal shape - with my songs rip roarin' and ready to go. Mostly because I was still battling that unknown beast of a health problem all summer long, which left no room to keep my voice in shape - it was just a mess. And so I was so worried about coming back, because it was literally one battle after another with that all this summer, and I was petrified of my jury! Well, after struggling to get my voice back in a decent working shape, and getting my songs back under my belt, and after a week of worrying about whether this was going to go well or not, the Lord carried me through again - and I passed! Unanimously! And all of the comments on the jury sheets were the same things that Professor Thomas and I have been really working on. Oh, what an enormous blessing! Whew! Now it's on to planning my recital and preparing audition repertoire for whatever may come my way!
My classes are pretty awesome this semester - a bunch of ped track classes, German Lieder, voice lessons, the norm you know? But, another big whopping blessing to start this second year off? I WAS CHOSEN TO BE IN WILLIAMSON VOICES!! It's an auditioned choir that is under the direction of Dr. Jordan. THE James Jordan. Yep - every time I leave rehearsal I have to pinch myself! It is absolutely INCREDIBLE. Those of you who know me from prior to choir college... answer me this question: Do I enjoy choir? HA! And now, I can't get enough of it! Oh my goodness. Our concert is going to be incredible. The website says Nov. 17, but it's actually Nov. 10... (hint, hint...)... :) I am blown away by the opportunity to sing with this incredible choir. This will surely be the cherry on top of grad school, that's for sure!
Last week was a rough one - just difficult with a few different things that were going on. And my over-obsessive, ridiculous, stressful, self-critical self has problems letting things be and out of sight out of mind. lol. And instead of standing in the power and authority of Christ to let some of the things that hurt me from last week just roll off my shoulders, I allowed them to let me feel completely defeated and absolutely disrespected. And I allowed myself to live in that shame and regret and misery the rest of the week! What a silly waste of my time! You know, we love the pity parties and the self misery, but it's like eating a whole bag of chips by yourself - it feels good while you're doing it, until all is said and done. Let's at least be honest about that! While at Bible Study this past week, and church tonight, something occurred to me that I'd never thought of before. We dove into Ephesians 1:1-14ish, and it's talking about how God chose us because we please Him! That His heart longs for us! Pastor Tim said tonight that in light of that, we have an influence and impact on the heart of God! What! That made me do a double take. I mean, I knew He loved us, delighted in us, and that He welcomes us freely into His courts - but I have an impact on His heart? What is that? Whew! What a POSITION we have in Christ! One of the songs we sang tonight was "In Christ Alone," and when we came across this part of the song I was filled with what I like to call "Holy Spirit Goosebumps" ...
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ
No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From a life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Could ever pluck me from His hand
Til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I stand
Right now. Tomorrow at 8:30 in the morning. Or two weeks from now, at 5:19pm. Any time, any day I can choose to stand in the power of Christ! To say with authority that these things have no power over me, and I am an adopted daughter of the Lord, and that I can have faith and believe the power of Christ that's in me - to open my arms and receive the blessings that the Lord is showering down on me versus standing in disbelief at not only who He says He is, but also who He says I am! Well let me tell you what, I'm done with that foolishness today. I am a strong, beautiful, fearfully and wonderfully made woman of God and I will no longer let these silly things that the enemy tries to hold over me deter me from accepting the authority of the power of Christ in me! See ya later, disbelief - I'm moving on! :)
This is going to be an important year to recognize that power, and trust the Lord more than ever. Everything is kind of up in the air about what happens next: will I get a job teaching high school choir? Will I have any successful auditions and be accepted into any kind of young artist programs? Will I be living at home and subbing, but still somehow singing? It's all a crazy, confusing, and unclear kind of messy bubble. And you know me - that makes me incredibly nervous. lol. But I have to just take a deep breath, grab God's hand, and say "Okay, Dad - lead me where You wish. I trust You. I'll follow, and if I ask any questions help me to remember to ask 'how' and not 'why,' because You know best! You have a perfect plan, with Your perfect provision, and You're just waiting to reveal it to me one step at a time!" So here I go - I'm holding on tight, and I'm ready to jump in the deep end! I surrender to You, Lord.
Until the next time I rattle off about my life on end via this blog, I pray that you experience the abundant riches, and glorious grace that the Lord is waiting to lavish upon you in this season of your life! I can't wait to see what He has waiting for us all... are you willing to join me, and to hold on to His hand tight and jump on in the deep end? To surrender your desires and dreams to the Lord on High, who wants nothing but good for you, His precious child, whom He loves and adores and paid the ultimate price for?
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before Him. In love He predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of His will, to the praise of His glorious grace, with which He has blessed us in the Beloved. In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace, which He lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of His will, according to His purpose, which He set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in Him, things in heaven and things on earth. In Him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of Him who works all things according to the counsel of His will, so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of His glory. In Him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in Him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of His glory.
- Ephesians 1:3-14 ESV
I surrender it all, Lord... I will hold onto You. Lord, have Your way.
