A new approach to life...

What a week this has been! I'll tell you what - I'm never quite sure what the Lord has in store for me on a day to day basis in this crazy place! And it's only 2 weeks in... and I've already got SO much homework! Whew!! I feel like I just barely get caught up with everything I have to do, and then before I know it I'm swamped all over again! Things have been a little crazy though with Grammy being in the hospital this past week. I can't thank you all enough for your prayers! The crazy ol'bat is doing just fine and is as sassy as ever! (like that Gram? hehehehe! love you!)

Nothing really too fancy has been going on here this past week... just the usual: class, work, practicing, repeat, repeat, repeat! :) lol. I was thinking about dropping this Singing in Russian class because it's absolutely insane. I can't even last 10 minutes into class without being totally lost and confused! But thankfully my friend Sara has kind of turned into my unofficial tutor, even though it's brand-new to her also, she's like a language genius and it's not nearly as scary to her! I do feel kind of bad though, because I sat next to her last week and kept having to bother her with questions because I was so very lost and confused! haha. Go figure!

My voice lessons have been going well! I feel like my voice is finally starting to fit into the mold of what we were working on establishing last semester before I got so sick. I sang in studio last week, and have a video from it which I'll post at the end of this blog, but I must forewarn you - it's not spectacular in the least! It's just a mere idea of what my voice will begin to sound like. I was nervous, and so I wasn't locked into the solid technique we're building, which is really apparent in the beginning. And I breathed in a few wrong places, which was just silly! And there are other nit-picky things I won't bore you with...but as a whole, for those of you who know my voice and where it's coming from, you may be able to hear the neat new changes!

Moving past that! lol. I'm really enjoying my Music History Seminar on Rachmaninoff and Tchaikovsky! My homework for this week was to listen to Tchaikovsky's 1st Symphony with the score... Talk about amazing homework! :) This band geek is totally in heaven listening to these amazing orchestras perform his works... and holy cow it makes me miss INSTRUMENTS! If there was one thing, more than anything, that I would change about this school? I WANT BAND BACK! lol. I love singing, and I love choir here, but hello - I love band. It's just weird going to a school and never hearing any instruments around! With the exception of course being the pianists and organists who are phenomenal here. But still. Band. Miss it. Want it back. Sigh. I'm done now. lol.

I had some awesome times spent with friends this week - Friday night Carola and I sat around like the nerds we are watching sermons all night from Mars Hill Church! It was AWESOME! :) lol! And then last night my friend Annie and I got Chinese and beer and watched a movie! Amazing girly Saturday night! Gosh, I have some great friends here!

Bible Study was great this week! It was at our Pastor's house, which is beautiful! My friend Carola who usually hosts us all at her apartment was on a ski trip with the campus ministry she works with, so off to Tim's we went! It was really just a blast because not only did we have an amazing study time, but we also had an amazing chatty time talking about singing and being voice nerds! hahaha! Oh it was such a blast!

It got me thinking though - we were talking Thursday night at Bible Study about prayer. And we were reading the story in Acts where Peter and John return to their friends and family after being imprisoned, and specifically examining their prayers immediately following that incident. And all I could think about through that passage was how confident and how boldly they prayed! It was amazing to really see! So then it got me thinking about the passages in Scripture where it talks about how we are to approach the throne of the Lord confidently and boldly, knowing that He listens to us and hears our every prayer! Hello - that's one of those big "aha!" moments... that I don't think I will ever not be completely overwhelmed by! How amazing is that! We, the lowly sinners, can approach the God of the Universe with confidence?? Not just to be confident in our prayers and requests, but to be confident in knowing that He hears us? And not just hears us, but really is listening to every little thing we say? Wow! What a position we have been given in Christ! To be able to do this! Seriously. It gives me goosebumps every time I think about it.

So then this really got me thinking about how if I can approach my Father in Heaven with such confidence, then why can't I approach my every day life with the same confidence? Now I'm not saying to be self-centered and over-confident, but just with the same confident humility that I bring to the Lord in my prayers. I find this completely mind boggling! Especially for this girl - the girl who has never been confident... in anything! I mean seriously. You're talking to the girl who's been teased her whole life about anything and everything - the girl who, when she finally was allowed to shave her legs in 6th grade was approached about it by two girls who looked at her and said "Wow! I didn't know fat girls could shave their legs!" ... Yep. That'd be this girl they were talking to. And I mean the list goes on and on, which eventually just led me to be completely devoid of any kind of self-confidence at all. I looked in the mirror and all I saw was the ugly fat girl that I'd been so teased about. It really just blows my mind when I think about it! And it really made me stop and think about all of this being tied together when earlier this week my dear friend Clarisse and I were talking about this and she said to me that "You know, some days you just really have to stop and look in the mirror and think 'Dang! I do look good! Wow!'" ... and it made me giggle, because me? Think that? Huh-uh.. No way! But then, I'm told to "confidently and boldly approach the throne of the Lord" because He loves me and listens to me? What?! Now wait a minute - if I can confidently and so boldly approach GOD, how come I can't confidently and boldly approach my life? Just in the every day? Well, that's just silly! I should be able to take that confidence and apply it to all areas of my life! In my singing, in my studies, in my relationships, in everything! I mentioned earlier about being nervous in my video of studio class, and that I wasn't locked into the solid technique because of it - my teacher said that after I sang that I wasn't "confident in my technique" to be able to do the piece well, that at the beginning my voice suffered because of that lack of confidence. DUH! Jessica, wake up here and see what the Lord is showing you! I am a child of God - I am a beautiful and precious child of the Most High! And the life that He calls me to live is a life confident of who He has made me! Which up until now, I've been severely lacking at! (or in... here we go with the grammar thing... and my lack of understanding it! hahaha!) But seriously! What a position I can choose to stand in! And to carry out in my daily life. I literally am sitting here shaking my head - because I will never understand just how much the Lord loves us, and will be continually overwhelmed by His goodness! Talk about something else!

I am a precious, beautiful, and unique child of God - and with that, I will confidently and boldly live out the life to which He has prepared just for me. Wow!

In Him and through faith in Him we may approach God with freedom and confidence. 
- Ephesians 3:12 (NIV)

Let us then fearlessly and confidently and boldly draw near to the throne of grace (the throne of God's unmerited favor to us sinners), that we may receive mercy [for our failures] and find grace to help in good time for every need [appropriate help and well-timed help, coming just when we need it]. 
- Hebrews 4:16 (AMP)

And this is the confidence (the assurance, the privilege of boldness) which we have in Him: [we are sure] that if we ask anything (make any request) according to His will (in agreement with His own plan), He listens to and hears us. 
- 1 John 5:14 (AMP)

Carola and I!!! :)

"Fleur jetée" by Fauré