Let's be still and see what God has up His sleeve...

Well, here it is. Aunt Jackie told me a few months ago that I should start a blog that I could keep specifically to document the next few years (for anyone who wants to follow!) as I move to New Jersey to begin pursuing graduate studies! After pondering it for the last few months, I thought it would be a neat idea! Clearly I found it very intriguing, as I've spent the last oh I don't know.. 2 hours maybe? .. playing with the background, the text, the look of the blog, etc. And wouldn't you know it, it got me thinking that it's not just how my blog looks that I fuss over, but it's how I look on the outside, how I think another might perceive my life.. and isn't that just how it usually is? We spend so much time fussing over how we look to this person, or how we look in this situation, that most of the time we forget to spend time truly focusing on what matters most - not how we look on the outside, but how we look on the inside and WHO we should be focusing on!

I especially started to think about this idea today as I had to answer 5 questions pertaining to my voice teacher selection for grad school. I got an email with a big word document attached that had a letter about the proper procedures for answering these questions and so on and so forth. These were the questions:

1)    Do you wish to study with a male teacher?

2)    Do you wish to study with a female teacher?

3)    Do you wish to study with a voice part similar to your own? 

4)    What type of teacher do you want? 

5)    Who are your top five choices?

Immediately, I hopped on the phone and texted my friend Katie who got both her undergrad and grad degrees at Westminster Choir College (to be referred to from now on as WCC) because I just knew that she would be able to tell me how to answer these, who to request for my top 5 choices for teachers, etc. Then I sat there for literally the better part of an hour agonizing over how to answer these questions the "right" way - which way would make me look best in writing? (Back to that fussing again!) Eventually, these are the answers I came up with:

1)    Do you wish to study with a male teacher? No preference
2)    Do you wish to study with a female teacher? No preference
3)    Do you wish to study with a voice part similar to your own? It would be nice, however it is not an absolute "must-have" as far as I'm concerned.
4)    What type of teacher do you want? I wish to study with a teacher who first and foremost creates a caring atmosphere in which to work. A teacher who equips the singer with the tools necessary to develop their voice and potential far beyond what the singer ever thought capable. A teacher who will see that unique potential from the beginning and push me, as the singer, and encourage me to never be satisfied with singing like another, but to embrace my own color, my own voice, and at all times let my individual characteristics shine. Most importantly, I wish to work with a teacher who inspires me to, at all times, remember the joy and the passion of singing that should emanate from every fiber of my being each and every time I take the stage.


... And as I sat there, re-reading my answers just again agonizing, though now about whether I said the right things or not, the question started coming to mind - are they going to think I'm stupid for answering #4 the way I did? Furthermore, can I REALLY expect to study with a teacher THAT good? Especially after some of the experiences I've already had studying voice?

The minute that was out of my mouth, the minute it dawned on me - I had spent so much time fussing over how I looked to these people, about how I will be perceived, and had I just taken the time to stop and focus on the Lord I would've realized much sooner that it doesn't matter what I say in answer to these questions! The Lord is going to see to it that I am exactly where He wants me, whether I answer perfectly or not. And that yes indeed I CAN have a teacher that will be able to do all of those things for me and for my voice, because the Lord will make it so! I had felt silly about the way I answered #4 up until this point, and once I had that "aha!" moment I quickly realized that it was totally the Lord showing me just what kind of teacher He has waiting for me as I formed the answer to that question. What a sneaky way of showing me! :)

The Lord is going to see that I am exactly where He wants me.. what a thought! Every time I think about grad school I am immediately filled with fright and thoughts such as "Oh my gosh, I'm not good enough to be going to WCC ... I mean, it's the BIG LEAGUES!" or "Seriously.. I don't know why they let me in or why they want ME.. I mean come on, it's ME! Really?" ... not to mention I'm thoroughly convinced I'm going to fail all of my placement exams and never get my voice in shape in time.. The Lord is going to see that I am exactly where He wants me. I've seen over the past few weeks that those thoughts are just the enemy trying to mess with me, trying to keep me away from letting the peace of Christ rule in my heart. (thanks for that reminder, Aunt Jackie!) The Lord is going to see that I am exactly where He wants me. How AMAZING is that?! I never for a second even thought I would ever have a CHANCE of getting into Westminster Choir College... I mean come ON. That's one of the top voice schools in the country! Me? No way! ... Not only did I get accepted, but I was accepted for the program of my dreams, offered a $10,000 scholarship, AND an assistantship. And to make the choice even clearer, I wasn't even accepted into Bowling Green State University. Not even accepted. Let's think about those odds! The absolute ONLY way that could've happened is because it is the Lord's desire to have me there. Only way. The Lord is going to see that I am exactly where He wants me. And even beyond that, I don't have to live in the fret and the worry about being "good enough." I am exactly who He says I am, and the best part of it all is that HE is MORE than good enough! He qualifies me! It boggles my mind! I love it! And I love Him!

The title of this post, "Let's be still and see what God has up His sleeve" came from my wonderful friend Barbara, in reply to one of my frantic emails about moving home sooner than I had anticipated. That line has stuck with me and stayed in the back of my mind since the minute she sent me that email. And so after this extremely long post (I'm sorry! I get carried away! hehe) that's exactly what I'm trying to do... Be still and see what God has up His sleeve. I don't know what you're up to, Lord, but I like it! :)