Trust God, you are exactly where you are meant to be!

Birthday present to myself! :)

Well. This is it! 3 more days until I depart for this great big adventure the Lord has waiting for me!! I was fortunate enough to be able to meet the marvelous Mihelcic clan today in Altoona and spend some time with them before my departure, and as I was meandering around the mall with Katie we stopped in the Hallmark store so I could see if anything tickled my fancy, since I had a 20% off birthday coupon! And to my surprise, this is what I happened to find sitting out of eye level on a shelf halfway back the store! I saw it and thought "Oh my gosh, that is absolutely perfect. The Lord SO knows I'm going to need His definite reminders, especially in this first week!" So I bought it to put right smack dab on my dresser in NJ, so that I can be reminded of this wonderful promise from Him constantly! I just love it!!

As my final days at home before grad school begins come to a close, I'm finding it difficult to be peaceful about the entire thing. I feel almost like I've wasted my summer. You know how it is when all of a sudden things are coming to a close before you feel ready! I've had an amazing summer at home. It started out rocky because my plans weren't congruent with His plans for me, and I wasn't recognizing that, but once I was able to live in that, summer just seemed to fly right by. I got to spend so much needed time with my family, friends, and just with myself. Though with 3 days left to pack completely, re-organize, clean, study, and sing I just feel like I've no time at all! Especially in regards to singing and studying..... I know it's my fault. I dropped the ball as far as truly preparing myself for placement exams/hearings & auditions. And I know, I've no excuse... I don't expect any miracles here, especially since I've been out of schooling and teaching for the past whole year. My voice is nothing that I expect it to be and my music history and theory skills? HAH! At this point I'm going to have to beg them to take me into all of the remedial classes without the thought of kicking me out and sending me right back to where I came from! Yes, I'm extremely nervous. But the conclusion I have come to is this - I know I need remedial classes because I know I need to desperately brush up on my music history and theory. It's been 2 years since I've had any music history and 3 since theory! Oh and I know I'm going to need to take languages to meet the requirement since I didn't take any in undergrad so I'm not even thinking twice about that placement exam! :) And I'm praying Dr. Hastings and Dr. Peavler taught me enough about diction, rather that I absorbed all that they taught me and that everything I learned is still in there somewhere!! Oh, boy.

I guess where I'm going with this is I have about 7,000 placement exams next week which are going to make me feel completely inadequate and absolutely make me doubt every single second about whether I really deserve to be at such a prestigious voice school beginning my graduate studies. Especially since I know that it's very likely I will end up in every remedial class offered! Though, at this point, I honestly think that would probably be a good thing. So I can become as knowledgeable as they feel I should be about the content and be prepared for the rest of my studies! When it all comes down to it, what I've come to realize through all the anxiety, the fears, and the frustrations of not having spent time preparing as much as I know I should have is that I am who I am, I know what I know, and obviously they saw something promising, some kind of potential, in me when I auditioned. Otherwise, they never would have given me such an amazing opportunity to enter their school! I'm just scared of letting them down, of making a fool of myself, and in simple terms - of not being seen as good enough after these placement exams. Really, of not being good enough ever.

The comforting news I've come to absolutely rely on in light of this? That it doesn't matter what I do, how I succeed or don't in these placement exams, or what they might think of me going in. It simply does not matter, because whether they recognize it or not, Christ qualifies me in all of it! He is the reason that I was even offered such an amazing opportunity, with an amazing package including a scholarship and an assistantship to boot! When I struggled and struggled and struggled to find a place to live, and thought this was all going to fall through at the last minute because I had nowhere to live, He more than answered my prayers by completely providing a place that I could never have dreamed better for me! He has followed through on every single part of the journey so far - He's gotten me accepted to WCC, gotten me financial assistance, and provided me with a place to live for the first year. How can I be so selfish to not even recognize, no matter what the circumstances or what anyone else may think of me by a silly placement exam score or through their own first impressions, that the Lord is completely and earnestly still carrying me there, leaving me absolutely no reason to doubt Him or His goodness! He qualifies me to be "good enough" - rather to be MORE than good enough! Even for somewhere like Westminster Choir College. I am loving this Scripture right now, especially its relevance to the struggles I'm facing:

We pray that you'll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul—not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives. It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful that He has for us. - Colossians 1:11-12, The Message

"The Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful that He has for us." How can I doubt that it's going to be so, so good? Regardless of how I do on these placement exams! As much as I fear it, I honestly doubt they're going to kick me out if I fail every placement exam and have to take all of the remedial classes. There have to be others who are in the same boat as me! And honestly for their sake, I pray that they literally are in the same boat as me - the boat where Jesus is Lord, qualifying me and freely giving me the strength I need to make it through all of this!!

Long story short: I'm scared to death and feel completely unprepared, but have come to realize that living in the fear and fright is living outside of the Lord's peace in knowing that His Perfect Provision, the fact that my times are in HIS hands - that He has only the absolute best waiting for me!

So, here I go!! I've got a lot to do and only 3 days to accomplish it all. :) I'm so looking forward to being able to bring each and every one of you on this journey with me through this blog!! I've already got my camera charged and ready to go, so that you can also see it for yourself from the very beginning! Thank you for being willing to share this whole new exciting chapter of my life with me. :)

Trust God, you are exactly where you are meant to be!