This week has been very exhausting, and now I'm thoroughly taking the time to enjoy fall break this weekend! Though I still have so much to do... lol. Such is the life of a grad student! I had my first big exam of the year Monday evening, in Voice Pedagogy 1. What a doozy that was! It took me 3.5 hours to take it and answer all the essay questions! My brain has pretty much been mush the rest of the week in the aftermath of that test. Other than that it was pretty low-key this week, just the normal practicing, lots of theory homework and lab practicing to do, and musicology research for my big paper! My bibliography for that paper was due yesterday. For you music folk reading this, I really wanted to do something that included looking at opera settings of biblical text. While I was googling operas with biblical texts, I found somewhere that Saint-Saëns was so intrigued and impressed by Händel's "Samson" that he wanted to create his own, or something to that effect. I'm not sure whether that was legitimately true or not, but it got me thinking that I would like to compare and contrast both of their settings of the text, and what the differences are other than that one is an opera and the other an oratorio, essentially one is staged and one isn't. "Samson et Dallila" by Saint-Saëns and "Samson" by Händel therefore are the focus of my working thesis, and I'm really excited to see where I can go and what I can find with this!
Anyway! I've been really getting the chance to spend some time getting to know a few other grad students really well, and I'm so thankful that I'm finally starting to feel like I'm settling in with others around me and starting to forge friendships that have come from the Lord! I've been attending Sunday evening worship at the Nassau Christian Center, and have through that service created some friendships already that I know will be so important to me through my time here and beyond! Actually, I just spent a few hours tonight with my friend Carola at one of the many ice cream/frozen yogurt places here in Princeton. On a side note: as Betty Lee's granddaughter, it's about time I make my way to trying all these ice cream places! lol!!! (Did you like that, Grammy?!! hehehe!) Anyway, getting to spend time with her tonight was just exactly what I needed! With so much laughter, storytelling, and frozen yogurt, one can completely find a newfound hope for the week! :) And it was so wonderful to feel the Holy Spirit right there with us the entire evening as we shared our stories and how the Lord has moved in our lives! It's still new to me, openly and freely talking about the Lord with others, and every time it just blows me away at how amazing He is! I just love it! :)
Let's see.. what else happened this week? Oh! I FINALLY got to see and spend some time with Ryan! (For those of you from home, that would be the one and only Sir Ryan Krauss! :D) It was such an amazing and much needed evening! I honestly don't think I've laughed as hard as that, as I did that night, since I've been here in New Jersey. Talk about a good night! And to be able to talk to someone who I don't have to explain who people in my family are if I'm trying to tell a story is AMAZING. haha! Though sorry for Ryan, I told him that he's stuck with me now... bwahaha! He moves 4 hours away from home, and I've followed him! :D
Hmm... Oh! I scheduled for classes in the spring. What a crazy schedule that will be! I've got a full grad load of 15 credits worth of classes, which makes me nervous! I'm taking Contemporary Trends, which is my 20th Century Music Review class, Voice Ped 2, Voice Lessons, Symphonic Choir, a Music History Elective class that is on just Rachmaninoff and Tchaikovsky (I'm so excited!), AND... wait for it... Singing in Russian. Uhhhhh............ this class just, well I still can't wrap my head around the fact that I'm taking this class! I can barely speak clearly in ENGLISH and now I'm going to learn how to sing in RUSSIAN? Whoa! lol. I'm excited though that I'm taking that and the Music History Elective at the same time - talk about a great combination! :)
I looked at two housing options this week, and the one really feels like it's the one! I'm trying not to get my hopes up, and have just been praying that if it's where the Lord has for me, then that it will work out. Things are still just as difficult here in this current situation, but I've come to see that through this fiasco the past two weeks, that this moment and experience is simply a time to grow stronger in the Lord, and to continue to stand firm in His Word! The most important thing I can do right now is to remember to remain joyful in time of trial! (Thanks, Laura!) I thought for a while that I just managed to trick myself into believing that this place I'm in right now wasn't really from the Lord, and that it was the enemy using it against me to keep me from Him. But today as I was driving home from campus, I came to the realization that this truly was an answer to our prayers, because without this living place now I wouldn't be able to be here. Though it's been difficult and at times unbearable, I believe that this is an opportunity the Lord set before me to first and foremost, like I already said, just provide a way to get me here, and to become ever more dependent on Him in every time, good and bad, and to rest in knowing that all He has planned for me is good. My attitude about it has been poor, and that's affected how I've been feeling about it all. But if I continue to rejoice, regardless of the circumstances, and to refuse to for a second not believe that the Lord is good, and will deliver me from this trial, then the Lord can work in me, helping me to foster a desire to never be separated from Him through my very own attitude!
Attitude. What a silly thing, sometimes! Mine has been awful the past two weeks, and I'll be the first to admit it. I find it so embarrassing to look at the way I've been acting and see just how selfish and immature I've been, about so many things, and all simply because my attitude was in the wrong place! I've been struggling to see the Lord with me every day, and as a result I've fostered this ridiculous untrusting and dissatisfied position, holding on to everything that hurts me, every little thing that trips me up in a day, and creating so many unnecessary worries and troubles for myself! Well, I'm done. No more, no way no how! From this moment on, regardless of the situation, I choose to stand firm in God, in His Word and Truth, all the while knowing that absolutely every situation I encounter, He will be there with me waiting to guide my steps! I heard this song "Remind Me Who I Am" by Jason Gray for the first time last week, and it's absolutely amazing and so what I needed to hear through these past few weeks! These are the lyrics:
When I lose my way,
And I forget my name
Remind me who I am
In the mirror all I see
Is who I don't wanna be
Remind me who I am
In the loneliest places
When I can't remember what grace is
Tell me, once again
Who I am to You, who I am to You
Tell me, lest I forget
Who I am to You, that I belong to You
To You
When my heart is like a stone,
And I'm running far from home
Remind me who I am
When I can't receive Your love
Afraid I'll never be enough
Remind me who I am
If I'm Your beloved, can You help me believe it?
Tell me, once again
Who I am to you, who I am to You
Tell me, lest I forget
Who I am to you, that I belong to You
To You
I'm the one You love, I'm the one You love
That will be enough, I'm the one You love
Tell me, once again
Who I am to you, who I am to You
Tell me, lest I forget
Who I am to you, that I belong to You
What a song! I really could listen to this song all day, every day. Because it's something I need constantly! In this crazy world we live in, and in this difficult masters program I'm trying to be successful in, I need nothing more than to rest in the Truth that I am the one the Lord loves, and then to let that, to let Him, be my strength! I was telling Carola tonight that I'm so afraid that I'll never be able to hack this program out, because it is so very difficult. Especially when I look at my spring schedule! And that it's so hard for me to rest in knowing that this is exactly where the Lord wants me. Especially since it is so clear that He's the one who brought me here, without a doubt! Which is where I need to rest and fight these thoughts of being afraid I'll never be enough, or good enough... I simply need to remember who I am, and who loves me. Foregoing my fears and insecurities, wholeheartedly handing them over to my Father, who has His wonderful plan for me, a plan which I am currently unfolding, and in which I will succeed if I just keep my focus solely on Him. I know that if I let Him, He will do miraculous things in my life. He is all I need. While Princeton may sometimes feel like the loneliest and most impossible place to be right now, it is where He has brought me. And He is constantly here with me, therefore I shouldn't feel as lonely as I have! I am going to focus this week of remembering who I am, and who the Lord says I am, because He loves me and will see to it that my life is one of great reward, because He is a God who is faithful to those who love and serve Him. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever! I'm reminded of something that John Sinclair said to us one night at home groups in the spring... he said "Our lives are a picture of what we think about God! You're not going to do bigger than you think! He can always "out big" us!" Posing the questions to us: Do you see God as big enough to take care of you? Do you believe who He says He is? In every little minute area of your life?
God wants nothing more than to infuse us all with hope. To renew our faith and our hope in Him. We have a God who makes us whole. In those situations that are troubling us, if we follow God's lead there is hope, success, and blessing. There's nothing wrong with God, there's nothing wrong with His Word, and by the Blood of Jesus Christ there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with us! We can't allow our thinking to be framed by what anyone says to us in this world! The Word that God speaks about us in every area of our lives is true! I love this - it's not what you have in your pocket, it's WHO you have! And that's Jesus. And He loves you and wants nothing more than you to come to Him on your knees ready and willing to take that step out in faith - to give everything to Him. And trust that He is in control. We are qualified through Him who qualifies us! There is absolutely nothing in this world that we can face that we can't overcome through Him. So today, I choose to give thanks in every situation, be it good or bad, and to completely surrender everything I am and everything I have to the God who loves me so much more than I could ever fully comprehend.
Remind me who I am, Lord, so that I may live fully in Your grace, ever aware of your Spirit, resting in the peace that I'm the one you love, I belong to You, and that You will never leave my side. I am humbled by Your everlasting love and mercy, Father.
Remind me who I am, Lord, so that I may live fully in Your grace, ever aware of your Spirit, resting in the peace that I'm the one you love, I belong to You, and that You will never leave my side. I am humbled by Your everlasting love and mercy, Father.
Casting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully. - 1 Peter 5:7
Let your character or moral disposition be free from love of money [including greed, avarice, lust, and craving for earthly possessions] and be satisfied with your present [circumstances and with what you have]; for He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down (relax My hold on you)! [Assuredly not!] 6 So we take comfort and are encouraged and confidently and boldly say, The Lord is my Helper; I will not be seized with alarm [I will not fear or dread or be terrified]. What can man do to me? - Hebrews 13:5-6
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