A new approach to life...

What a week this has been! I'll tell you what - I'm never quite sure what the Lord has in store for me on a day to day basis in this crazy place! And it's only 2 weeks in... and I've already got SO much homework! Whew!! I feel like I just barely get caught up with everything I have to do, and then before I know it I'm swamped all over again! Things have been a little crazy though with Grammy being in the hospital this past week. I can't thank you all enough for your prayers! The crazy ol'bat is doing just fine and is as sassy as ever! (like that Gram? hehehehe! love you!)

Nothing really too fancy has been going on here this past week... just the usual: class, work, practicing, repeat, repeat, repeat! :) lol. I was thinking about dropping this Singing in Russian class because it's absolutely insane. I can't even last 10 minutes into class without being totally lost and confused! But thankfully my friend Sara has kind of turned into my unofficial tutor, even though it's brand-new to her also, she's like a language genius and it's not nearly as scary to her! I do feel kind of bad though, because I sat next to her last week and kept having to bother her with questions because I was so very lost and confused! haha. Go figure!

My voice lessons have been going well! I feel like my voice is finally starting to fit into the mold of what we were working on establishing last semester before I got so sick. I sang in studio last week, and have a video from it which I'll post at the end of this blog, but I must forewarn you - it's not spectacular in the least! It's just a mere idea of what my voice will begin to sound like. I was nervous, and so I wasn't locked into the solid technique we're building, which is really apparent in the beginning. And I breathed in a few wrong places, which was just silly! And there are other nit-picky things I won't bore you with...but as a whole, for those of you who know my voice and where it's coming from, you may be able to hear the neat new changes!

Moving past that! lol. I'm really enjoying my Music History Seminar on Rachmaninoff and Tchaikovsky! My homework for this week was to listen to Tchaikovsky's 1st Symphony with the score... Talk about amazing homework! :) This band geek is totally in heaven listening to these amazing orchestras perform his works... and holy cow it makes me miss INSTRUMENTS! If there was one thing, more than anything, that I would change about this school? I WANT BAND BACK! lol. I love singing, and I love choir here, but hello - I love band. It's just weird going to a school and never hearing any instruments around! With the exception of course being the pianists and organists who are phenomenal here. But still. Band. Miss it. Want it back. Sigh. I'm done now. lol.

I had some awesome times spent with friends this week - Friday night Carola and I sat around like the nerds we are watching sermons all night from Mars Hill Church! It was AWESOME! :) lol! And then last night my friend Annie and I got Chinese and beer and watched a movie! Amazing girly Saturday night! Gosh, I have some great friends here!

Bible Study was great this week! It was at our Pastor's house, which is beautiful! My friend Carola who usually hosts us all at her apartment was on a ski trip with the campus ministry she works with, so off to Tim's we went! It was really just a blast because not only did we have an amazing study time, but we also had an amazing chatty time talking about singing and being voice nerds! hahaha! Oh it was such a blast!

It got me thinking though - we were talking Thursday night at Bible Study about prayer. And we were reading the story in Acts where Peter and John return to their friends and family after being imprisoned, and specifically examining their prayers immediately following that incident. And all I could think about through that passage was how confident and how boldly they prayed! It was amazing to really see! So then it got me thinking about the passages in Scripture where it talks about how we are to approach the throne of the Lord confidently and boldly, knowing that He listens to us and hears our every prayer! Hello - that's one of those big "aha!" moments... that I don't think I will ever not be completely overwhelmed by! How amazing is that! We, the lowly sinners, can approach the God of the Universe with confidence?? Not just to be confident in our prayers and requests, but to be confident in knowing that He hears us? And not just hears us, but really is listening to every little thing we say? Wow! What a position we have been given in Christ! To be able to do this! Seriously. It gives me goosebumps every time I think about it.

So then this really got me thinking about how if I can approach my Father in Heaven with such confidence, then why can't I approach my every day life with the same confidence? Now I'm not saying to be self-centered and over-confident, but just with the same confident humility that I bring to the Lord in my prayers. I find this completely mind boggling! Especially for this girl - the girl who has never been confident... in anything! I mean seriously. You're talking to the girl who's been teased her whole life about anything and everything - the girl who, when she finally was allowed to shave her legs in 6th grade was approached about it by two girls who looked at her and said "Wow! I didn't know fat girls could shave their legs!" ... Yep. That'd be this girl they were talking to. And I mean the list goes on and on, which eventually just led me to be completely devoid of any kind of self-confidence at all. I looked in the mirror and all I saw was the ugly fat girl that I'd been so teased about. It really just blows my mind when I think about it! And it really made me stop and think about all of this being tied together when earlier this week my dear friend Clarisse and I were talking about this and she said to me that "You know, some days you just really have to stop and look in the mirror and think 'Dang! I do look good! Wow!'" ... and it made me giggle, because me? Think that? Huh-uh.. No way! But then, I'm told to "confidently and boldly approach the throne of the Lord" because He loves me and listens to me? What?! Now wait a minute - if I can confidently and so boldly approach GOD, how come I can't confidently and boldly approach my life? Just in the every day? Well, that's just silly! I should be able to take that confidence and apply it to all areas of my life! In my singing, in my studies, in my relationships, in everything! I mentioned earlier about being nervous in my video of studio class, and that I wasn't locked into the solid technique because of it - my teacher said that after I sang that I wasn't "confident in my technique" to be able to do the piece well, that at the beginning my voice suffered because of that lack of confidence. DUH! Jessica, wake up here and see what the Lord is showing you! I am a child of God - I am a beautiful and precious child of the Most High! And the life that He calls me to live is a life confident of who He has made me! Which up until now, I've been severely lacking at! (or in... here we go with the grammar thing... and my lack of understanding it! hahaha!) But seriously! What a position I can choose to stand in! And to carry out in my daily life. I literally am sitting here shaking my head - because I will never understand just how much the Lord loves us, and will be continually overwhelmed by His goodness! Talk about something else!

I am a precious, beautiful, and unique child of God - and with that, I will confidently and boldly live out the life to which He has prepared just for me. Wow!

In Him and through faith in Him we may approach God with freedom and confidence. 
- Ephesians 3:12 (NIV)

Let us then fearlessly and confidently and boldly draw near to the throne of grace (the throne of God's unmerited favor to us sinners), that we may receive mercy [for our failures] and find grace to help in good time for every need [appropriate help and well-timed help, coming just when we need it]. 
- Hebrews 4:16 (AMP)

And this is the confidence (the assurance, the privilege of boldness) which we have in Him: [we are sure] that if we ask anything (make any request) according to His will (in agreement with His own plan), He listens to and hears us. 
- 1 John 5:14 (AMP)

Carola and I!!! :)

"Fleur jetée" by Fauré

Remaining Faithful...

Well... I'm back in Princeton!!! Surprise, surprise! lol. Though to be honest, when I left here in December to come home for break, I was absolutely unsure of whether I was going to return or not. My first semester here was just an absolute nightmare in so many ways, and I wasn't really sure if this was where I wanted to be. So many things were left up in the air academically, because I was forced to take an "Incomplete" for my voice lessons since the entire month of December I was sicker than a dog. (Which by the way, I have finally for the most part been able to get over! After 4 rounds of antibiotics, a steroid, a chest x-ray, and a heroic combination of Mucinex Extra Strength, Robitussin, Delsym, Nyquil, and Mucinex DM... whew!) And at Rider, the "I" turns into an "F" after 4 weeks, which gets factored into my GPA. And for my academic scholarship, I have to maintain a 3.0 GPA every semester, which I thought was not going to be an issue! Well, thank the LORD that I was able to work my tail off and get all A's and an A- for the rest of my final semester grades, because with the F factored in there now for my voice lessons, my GPA is... *drum roll please* ...3.01! Wow! That still absolutely blows my mind. So what it came down to, was when I learned about this whole GPA debacle, I asked the Lord, I said "Father, please show me whether or not You want me to return to Princeton. I know I don't want to, but if it's where You want me, Father, I'll go. I trust You, and I know that the plans You have for me are good, as Your Word says, Lord. Show me, Lord, and let me know that it's from You." ... Talk about the Lord showing me that this is what He has for me! My GPA now will not affect my scholarship, and I took that as the Lord telling me to get my butt back here, right where He put me! Now, before you wonder how me - Jessica Hann, perfectionist and obsessor over grades - is dealing with an F, let me tell you! All I have to do is give 2 studio performances for my voice teacher and she will change my grade! That is how I am dealing with such a ridiculous letter on my transcript... :)

My break was absolutely stupendous! I spent so much time with my family, both at home and in Indiana, and I even got to surprise my kids at their HS Choral concert! It was so amazing! I miss those silly IHS kiddos every single day! And mainly, I slept...  A LOT! I've never been so sick in my life as I was for the past month and a half. But it was amazing to be able to rely on the Lord for healing, and to see Him work faithfully in my life through it. Christmas was beautiful!!!!!! I've seriously got the best Momma in the world, the most beautiful sister in the universe, and the most phenomenal family and friends ever known. Goodness me! What a blessing!

And now I am back... in the midst of the chaotic academic life of a first-year graduate student at Westminster Choir College. The first week has really been great. My classes are ridiculous - super hard, but at the same time I'm super excited about them! Especially Ped 2, which is all about the methodology of teaching voice! Whooohoooo!!! What I came here for in the first place! :) I'm also taking a Music History Special Topics called "Russian Dreams" just on Rachmaninoff and Tchaikovsky, which contrasts well with my Performance Elective - "Singing in Russian" ... whew! So much Russian!

I'm also doing Symphonic Choir again! I have never loved choir so much in my entire life! Let me rephrase that - I've never loved singing in choir so much in my life! Because I have loved choir this much, when I was student teaching! This semester, Symphonic Choir has the opportunity to sing at Carnegie Hall with the Berlin Philharmonic doing 2 huge Wolf works and Mahler's 2nd! And what's even more awesome, is that I was chosen to sing in the choir for it!!!! I'm so excited!!!!! :) First Bocelli Choir with the NY Philharmonic, then the Brahms Requiem with the Philadelphia Orchestra, and now Mahler and Wolf with the BERLIN Phil?????? DUDE.

Other than that, not much has been going on! I've been working in the music library again in my grad assistantship and spending time with my church family here! I am so blessed to have such an amazing family here. Last night a group of us from Bible Study got together and had pizza and watched the movie "Courageous" ... WHAT AN AMAZING MOVIE! Of course, I cried the whole time, but it was so wonderful!!! :)

But alas, it is time for me to get back to my gazillion amounts of homework! It's Sunday, so I'm lounging around working on my homework after having slept it, perfected my omelette making skills, and doing my laundry! I have church this evening, which I'm always excited about, and then tomorrow starts the hectic crazy busy week again!

I miss home terribly, but I'm feeling ever more content being here. Last week at church, Pastor Nate talked about remaining faithful, and being faithful right where you are - exactly where God wants you. And that really had to have been divine intervention, literally I can just see the Lord pointing His finger at me and saying "Jessica! Listen up! Listen, listen, listen and stop thinking you know better than me, missy! I have a plan for you!" It was an amazing message, and it made me even more thankful for such a loving Father, who wants nothing more for me than to confide in Him and trust Him with the plans He has laid out for me even before I was me! So I am going to take that and run with it this week - I am going to work on remaining faithful, resting in the truth that the Lord has placed me exactly where He wants me, and His amazing provision is all I need because He will provide for my every need!

Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.

~ 1 Thess. 5:17-18

I don't have many new pictures, just 2! ... that are coincidentally food related. LOL!

Friday night I went over to my friend Carola's place and we had dinner and then went out for dessert! Which of course = ice cream!!!!! :) So I got Nutella ice cream... Yes, NUTELLA ice cream! It was amazing! And I had Reese's peanut butter cups blended in!

I have finally perfected my omelette making skills! THANKS MOM!!!! :D

November has come and gone...

Hello, hello, hello! :)

I am so sorry it has been literally over a month since I've had a chance to update you wonderful friends and family I have who take a few seconds to catch up with me via this blog! Things have been absolutely INSANE! Which is clearly why I haven't updated my blog in so long! Let's see. The last time I updated, we were getting ready to sing the Brahms at the Kimmel Center with the Philadelphia Orchestra. Talk about an AMAZING opportunity!!! It was crazy! We had 3 performances that were just breathtaking every single time. I am literally still amazed at the opportunities that I have been given since starting school here! I mean really, in less than two months, I sang with both the New York Philharmonic and the Philadelphia Orchestra... talk about crazy! Our soprano soloist, Dorothea Röschmann, was absolutely AMAZING and I got my picture taken with her! And the conductor, Maestro Yannick Nezet-Seguin, was absolutely remarkable - he did the entire Brahms from memory, with no score! I just - wow. That man has such an enormous and remarkable love for what he's doing that it just pours out of every single thing he says and does. It was simply absolutely inspiring to work with him!

And then! The weekend after the Brahms I FINALLY MOVED!!! :) The good ol'Scott Ziegler made his first appearance to Princeton to help me move and oh my gosh, I'm so thankful! Talk about a crazy busy weekend... I'm not sure how I got anything done school wise, because it was crazy trying to get moved out of the old place and into the new! But alas, I now have a new amazing home that I am so thankful for, and somewhere where I am not treated like a constant plague. It's such a great thing!

Then the NEXT weekend, a few girlfriends and I went to New York City for the weekend to go to the Metropolitan Opera, sightsee, and to go to the Hillsong Church! Talk about an AMAZING experience! Wow! I got to ride the train for the first time ever, which was super exciting! lol. And then also we got to spend the weekend with my friend Anna, who I was so blessed to be able to spend time with when I was at IUP! It was SO STINKING GOOD TO SEE HER! Oh my goodness. And the whole entire weekend was just absolutely phenomenal! Saturday when we got there, Karisa and Sara went to go see the Bodies exhibit, so Carola and I just strolled all around NYC literally for like 5 hours! hahaha. I'm pretty sure we managed to make it through all of Central Park... it was such a blast! And then that night we went to see Rodelinda at the Metropolitan Opera! OH MY GOSH IT WAS AMAZING! Renée Fleming was the lead! And I was in heaven getting to see the very woman who fostered in me such a love of opera and classical music sing on stage with my very eyeballs! It was so cool. AND THEN I GOT TO MEET HER! And we literally had like a 5 minute conversation! She was so excited I went to IUP because she was born in Indiana! And then I was even more excited, because she was excited, and it was this whole awesome ball of excitement! hehehehe! Then we were up bright and early to go to the Hillsong Church that Sunday morning, and to our surprise Brooke Fraser was there leading worship! It was just - wow. I am literally speechless thinking about all the amazing things that happened that weekend! I took a bajillion pictures, all of which I immediately put on facebook! :)

We only had 2 days of school then once we got back from NYC before I got to head home for Thanksgiving break! I'm telling you, these past few weeks have been so absolutely crazy and I am shocked I got anything done! hahaha! Which is why I haven't had even the slightest second to update this crazy blog! Thanksgiving was so bittersweet. I got to take my wonderful friend Karisa home with me, and what a whirlwind tour of home that was for her! (As you can imagine... hehehe!) We had such a blast and such a crazy busy week, full of so much laughter and so much fun! Wednesday we got to spend some time with Jenner, Sean, and Larry, all of which was a blast! It still isn't real to me that Sean Cogan is my high school choir director. I love it! :) And then Thursday was THANKSGIVING and SO MUCH FUN!!!!! Oh I love my family. :) Friday, I went Black Friday shopping for the first time EVER! Which was crazy and scary and fun all at the same time! hahaha! Then Saturday we got to relax for a bit, go to the Christmas parade, and spend some much needed time just hanging around the house. :) And then before I knew it, it was time to go back to New Jersey!

And so then we came back. And I got insanely sick. I'm still fighting whatever it is I got. It seriously came out of nowhere. We got back from break Sunday, and Monday I started with some crazy cough - swore to myself I wasn't getting sick, and then Tuesday woke up to realize I sounded like an 80 year old asthmatic man who still smoked a pack of cigarettes a day. It was nuts! So pretty much the past 2 weeks, all I've been able to do, is get out of bed long enough to go to my classes and then come home and sleep. That is quite literally all I have done. I've missed so much work, which kills me because I'm going to be gone without a chance to work for a month, but my boss is just so great! (Both of them!) Rena, my supervisor, told me that she thinks I just got so sick because I wanted to make her worry! lol. She's been telling me she's now become my mother away from home... oh, I love that woman! I called my doctor, got an antibiotic, took it in its entirety, slept like it was my job, ran my humidifier on overdrive, and did everything that one is supposed to when they're as sick as I was. I have a doctor's appointment for when I get home this week, and so hopefully we'll have some answers then! I'm just kind of riding on knowing that whatever is going on, the Lord will keep me in His hand, as healthy as I need to be whenever He decides! And that He'll keep me going enough until I can get home to my Momma who will infinitely make everything better. <3 (And Grammy, too!)

Needless to say, the past 2 weeks have been really hard - trying to finish everything I've needed to for school, trying to find energy to do what I need to do, all amidst this awful sickness. I don't ever remember being this sick, except for when I was little and in the hospital with croup or during 6th grade when I had tonsillitis once a month until they took those suckers out. So that too has made this extremely difficult. And on top of being sick, there have been some things here that have completely broken my heart, without really a better way to say it. Things that have left me lost, confused, and extremely hurt... and really confused about whether I really am here for the right reasons/if I should really be here, putting myself through this and into so much more debt. So it's just been a really difficult few weeks, and I am so extremely ready to just go home, spend so many wonderful weeks there, visiting Indiana, where my heart still remains, and hopefully finding the time I need to just relax and remember why it is I am here in the first place. I still believe that this is where the Lord has brought me, but it's just become a little harder for me to trust and rest in that with everything that's going on all around me. Though this is the perfect time for me to cling to Him even more. When we went to the Hillsong Church, the man who gave the message said this at one point:

"The Lord is with you in the highs and in the lows! Always He's with you! He wants to see you through! Oh the places you'll go and the things you'll do! If you don't appreciate the lows, you'll never appreciate the highs! He is God when things are going wrong, too! No man is strong enough to push back what God is pushing forward. No matter how big the task is, He is bigger to keep you in it!"

I find that so comforting. Especially right now, in the middle of this mess I've found myself in! So for right now, all I know to do, all I need to do, is cling to my Jesus - knowing that it doesn't matter what it looks like I'm going through right now, it doesn't matter how it appears that it will turn out, none of it matters because all that matters is as long as I seek Him, and keep my heart in His, I can rest knowing that He has greater plans for me than I could ever imagine, plans for good not for bad, and that it will all be okay. It has to be, because He promises that it will be! He loves me. He hears me. And He comforts me and meets my every need. How blessed am I?

"This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him, and saved him out of all his troubles." 

- Psalm 34:6 

"Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. 

They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness."

- Lamentations 3:22-23

The Maestro himself signing my score after our rehearsal! 

With Soprano Soloist Dorothea Röschmann after the Brahms!

Absolutely breathtaking!!!

Scott came to NJ and saved the day! :) :) :)

My absolute best friends in New Jersey <3

Anna!!!! <3

Sweet Carola and I in Central Park!!! :)

Outside of the MET!!! 

Love them! Outside of the awesome Christmas Tree at the Port! 

Before seeing Rodelinda!

RENEE FLEMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MY FAVORITE BUILDING! THE FLATIRON BUILDING!!! 

... I was super excited. :)

On our way to the Hillsong Church!

Grammy!!!!!!! Lub lub lub <3 So happy to be home!

JENNER! :)

Karisa and I outside for our 1st annual Thanksgiving Day walk! LOL!

The best family and best friends a girl could ever ask for <3 

Zaybert and Aunt Jessa! 

Goofball and Aunt Katie!

Black Friday shopping!

Not only did I find the best Black Friday deals, but I found my best friend! :)

Best friends in the whole wide world! <3

Christmas Day parade smiles! <3

Sissy Lub <3 <3 

The light in the darkness...

Hello, wonderful friends and family! :D

Just a quick hello to you, for it is wayyyyy past my bedtime! But if I don't take a moment to update you on my life this past week, I will not have time at all to do so until next Sunday! This week I have run-outs with Symphonic Choir Wednesday through Saturday! I'm SO excited! We're singing the Brahms Requiem with the Philadelphia Orchestra at the Kimmel Center! I think I'm a little more excited than the normal person because a) It's in the Kimmel Center! I saw Josh and Karen sing there for State Chorus when I was in 8th grade! And now I get to be the one onstage! How COOL! and b) The Brahms always makes me cherish the sweet and short time we had with Mr. Dearing. Especially the 4th movement, where the text is based off Psalm 84, "how lovely is Thy dwelling place" ... That hits closer to home for me than anyone else because my last semester in choir with him, we did the Raminsch "How Lovely is Thy Dwelling Place," with that awesome organist he was so giddy about and I was the soprano soloist. Not gonna lie - it chokes me up every time. I can't wait to sing this Requiem for him this weekend... with one of the most amazing orchestras among 160 other amazing vocalists who have been rehearsing this with me day in and day out for the past month and a half... it will be such a bittersweet moment. <3

Not too much else is going on around here! Just TONS of homework and practicing and not enough time to get it all done! LOL! HOWEVER! One of the most exciting things EVER! ... I ordered my very first tickets to go see a show at the Metropolitan Opera for this month with my friends Carola and Rebekah! I'm SO excited! :D :D :D Plus, we're staying with one of my friends from undergrad who lives in the city - hello, that adds even more to my excitement! :)

I had no power for a time this weekend thanks to the snowstorm yesterday... New Jersey and I really aren't getting off on the right foot here. I've been here 2 months and have been without power twice already. YUCK!

When I came home from church this evening, I was so happy to see this:

A single solitary light on in my room - what an image!! Especially since I was dreading having to spend another night without electricity... It was also such a reminder of how it doesn't matter how dark it may seem in my life, that darkness means not a thing to the Lord, for He is the light in the darkness that will see me through! Whatever you're going through, He is able to bring good from evil. I so needed that this evening, and was filled with such an amazing message along those lines at worship tonight. Last night was the topper on the cake, so to say, as I had a not so pretty verbal encounter with one of the sisters I'm renting from. And of course, I called my mother sobbing, because I've just absolutely reached my limit here with the way that they treat me and the like. Praise the Lord, He has provided me with another place to move to, just a short few weeks away, but I was certain last night that I was not going to make it even one more day in this horrid home. Then I went to church tonight, and was completely amazed at how it felt like Nate was speaking directly to me. I love those sermons! Simply put, it was the reminder that God is with us. He will not abandon us. He is faithful and we are not alone. Nate said something to this effect in his message tonight, "When I'm not sure, God is sure. When I'm in darkness, it's not dark for God! You are going to slip up, you're going to struggle, but God is BIGGER! Throw yourself on the Cross and Resurrection, on His grace and mercy, and let Him save you and work in you!" Wow. What a crazy awesome reminder. I'm not sure really of anything right now. But what I am sure of is that God is bigger than everything that I'm going through, and that He will never abandon me - after all, He sent His Son to die for me so that I may live in and with Him. How could I ever think for a second that He would not be with me? I may be stumbling in the darkness right now, but if I cling to Christ, He will be the light that will shine brighter than it all, seeing me through as He walks with me. I won't cling to any other, but I will cling to You, Jesus. <3

All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet: "The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel" (which means "God with us").

- Matthew 1:22-23

This has been my song of the week: Hillsong - Take Heart

All our troubles and all our tears, God our Hope - He has overcome. All our failures and all our fear, God our Love - He has overcome. All our heartache and all our pain, God our Healer - He has overcome. All our burdens and all our shame, God our Freedom - He has overcome. ♥

A group of us at dinner after Sunday night worship! From the left: Pastor Tim (who coincidentally is a trained opera singer!), Rebekah, Nicholas, JP, and me. :)

Yummm.... enjoying my Fudge Truffle Cupcake from House of Cupcakes after an amazing voice lesson!

Had to find a new home for Snaggle Tooth, so my friends Karisa and Sara adopted him!

I was having fun in the snow. :)

I love the fall!

A fine hello to you, my marvelous friends and family, from Princeton this beautiful fall day! :)

This week has absolutely flown by! I can't believe the weekend is almost over already, and I've barely put a dent in my homework! Oh, boy! I thought I would take a quick minute to catch you up on life here in New Jersey! 

I'm finally starting to feel like myself here - which really means that I've relaxed and de-stressed enough to enjoy myself here among the outside world! lol. I know, for those of you that know me, that seems like an odd thing, that I didn't just jump right in from the beginning as only I can! But it's been so hard adjusting here! So I'm thankful that I finally feel like I'm settling into a routine, and am making friendships with some amazing people! It's a bit of a relief. :)

Last week a few of us first-year grads drove into NYC to to go the Bodies exhibit, since it's required for our Voice Ped 1 class. Talk about an unnerving and cool experience all in one! It was absolutely like nothing I could ever describe. They were real - REAL - human bodies, that they had set up in many different displays so you can literally learn about the human body through visual displays. I still don't know quite how I feel about the whole thing! lol. My favorite part was the display that they had on the lungs - they showed healthy lungs and then smoker lungs. And in front of the display case they had this clear drop box, where you were felt convicted to, if you were a smoker, drop your pack of cigarettes into the case right there and make that commitment to quit smoking! I thought that was just the coolest thing. :)

Nothing really big going on as far as schoolwork, just a ton of homework and practicing to be done! I should get my big voice ped test back and graded tomorrow evening in class, so I'm kind of nervous about that. I've been trying to be very diligent in my practicing, especially since I'm only studying at one of the world's leading music schools. You know, no pressure or anything! haha! But today I am needing to take a break, my voice is getting fatigued from all the practicing I've done this week! Can you imagine? HAHAHA! Hmm... nothing else really exciting is going on that I can think of. We're practicing a lot and really digging into rehearsals for our Brahms performance coming up the first weekend of November with the Philadelphia Orchestra in the Kimmel Center! I can't wait! It's going to be an unforgettable experience! Also, before Brahms, this coming Saturday I'm really excited because I'm going to participate in an all day Seminar, "Music in the Modern Church," with composer Sven-David Sandstöm! I'm beside myself with excitement at all of the opportunities I'll have that day in workshops with him! Here's the link to see more about it if you wish - http://www.rider.edu/academics/colleges-schools/wca/woce/seminars/saturday-seminars/symposium-on-music

I've got a ton of homework to finish today, so as I said this will be a very brief post! But I've met an undergrad who's in my voice studio that I've been hanging out with who ... get ready for it ... is from MONROEVILLE! What a coincidence! I'm so ecstatic! I love this girl, she's such a sweetheart and LOVES THE STEELERS. What could be better?!!!!! hehehe! In fact, I went with her last night to a get together with some people from her church to hang out, play games, eat taco soup, and carve pumpkins!!! hehehe! I'll include some pictures of Snaggle Tooth, my awesome pumpkin! :D Last night after we carved pumpkins, Rebekah and I joined my sweet friend Carola, who I met at Nassau Christian Center, at the Halo Pub for round two of the "Jess Hann tries every ice cream shop in Princeton" extravaganza! It was amazing!!!! I got 2 scoops - coffee and strawberry chocolate chip. YUMM-O! 

For the past week I've been in the mood to watch Sleepy Hollow AND Hocus Pocus! I love October! I went to a Halloween party at the Seminary Friday night with Ryan, and that was fun! I got to meet his friends here in Princeton! There was one guy who was absolutely amazed at the thought that Ryan and I basically have known each other forever, lol. What was even better was the moment he realized it in our conversation, because somehow he missed it when we were introduced! It was hilarious. That was a blast, hanging out with Ryan and his friends! I'm absolutely beyond thankful that he's here in Princeton. Talk about a relief! Someone from home, who's rather fabulous ;), and who calls me JessHann - all one word. Hello, blast from the past! I love it! :)

Goodness, I love the fall. It's my favorite season of the year! Though Ryan and I decided that we miss fall at home. Nothing can surpass, well at least not Princeton, the Pennsylvania fall scenery... the thought makes me extremely homesick! Especially since NOW the trees are barely turning here. If I look out my window right now I'm still staring at an array of green... sigh! But I digress! 

The fall is just breathtaking to me for more than just the scenery! I am constantly amazed at how, when we fill ourselves with the Word and let the Holy Spirit live in us, we're constantly changing because we're allowing the Lord to work in us and reshape us to be in tune with Him and what His plans for us are! I follow this page on facebook called "I am a Woman of God" and they posted this earlier today, "Biblically, waiting is not just something we have to do until we get what we want. Waiting is part of the process of becoming what God wants us to be." And though we may recognize we're waiting, do we truly see how He is changing us and working in us? That's one of the reasons I love the fall so much. We can physically see with our own eyes the changes that are happening all around us. It's a picture of what the Lord wants to do with us, if we'll just let go of ourselves and our selfish controlling manner and let Him! I love that the fall, and the changes that are all around us, allow us to recognize what change looks like in a sense. And I feel like that's so important - the ability to recognize change. Though it's hard when we're looking at ourselves, isn't it? At least for me it is! But when we have that aha! moment and can see just what we've come through, how we've grown, and essentially how we've changed, it's so incredible! Again, at least I think it is. :) And though I may have only been here just shy of two months, I can already see the ways the Lord is changing me to bring me closer to Him. The biggest of them merely just to teach me and to show me to completely rely on Him in every situation, to trust who He says He is and His promises for my success. And I tried so hard to control that in a sense, to say "Okay! Here we go! I trust that God is good and that He will bring me through it all providing for me every step of the way!" ... But when it's just something we're saying and not really believing, well then that defeats the purpose doesn't it? And then stuff happens and we say we're believing Him, and living and standing in His Word.. but are we really? God's work starts on the inside, and then happens on the outside. We can't try to change ourselves - we have to go to the Lord, and allow Him to do the work! 

I love those aha! moments... where we truly become even more dependent on the Lord, allowing Him to consume us - absolutely all of us - from the inside out.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart 

   and lean not on your own understanding; 

in all your ways submit to him, 

   and he will make your paths straight.

- Proverbs 3:5-6

One of my best friends here at WCC, Dillon, and I on the way to NYC to see Bodies!

BODIES! The sign outside!

My sweet friend Rebekah and I! :)

We had Chocolate Chip Pecan Caramel Apples! HELLO, FALL! :)

Rebekah and I's pumpkins! Mine's on the left and hers is on the right! :)

Snaggle Tooth! My PUMPKIN!!!!

Yumm..... Halo Pub ice cream! Grammy, this picture is for you! 

Sweet Carola. I just love her so much! :)

Remind Me Who I Am...

I love the fall! It's my favorite time of the year, and as far as I'm concerned the most beautiful! :) Though Princeton needs to catch up and the trees need to change! It makes me extremely miss those gorgeous Pennsylvania mountains... and especially Indiana in the fall. <3

This week has been very exhausting, and now I'm thoroughly taking the time to enjoy fall break this weekend! Though I still have so much to do... lol. Such is the life of a grad student! I had my first big exam of the year Monday evening, in Voice Pedagogy 1. What a doozy that was! It took me 3.5 hours to take it and answer all the essay questions! My brain has pretty much been mush the rest of the week in the aftermath of that test. Other than that it was pretty low-key this week, just the normal practicing, lots of theory homework and lab practicing to do, and musicology research for my big paper! My bibliography for that paper was due yesterday. For you music folk reading this, I really wanted to do something that included looking at opera settings of biblical text. While I was googling operas with biblical texts, I found somewhere that Saint-Saëns was so intrigued and impressed by Händel's "Samson" that he wanted to create his own, or something to that effect. I'm not sure whether that was legitimately true or not, but it got me thinking that I would like to compare and contrast both of their settings of the text, and what the differences are other than that one is an opera and the other an oratorio, essentially one is staged and one isn't. "Samson et Dallila" by Saint-Saëns and "Samson" by Händel therefore are the focus of my working thesis, and I'm really excited to see where I can go and what I can find with this!

Anyway! I've been really getting the chance to spend some time getting to know a few other grad students really well, and I'm so thankful that I'm finally starting to feel like I'm settling in with others around me and starting to forge friendships that have come from the Lord! I've been attending Sunday evening worship at the Nassau Christian Center, and have through that service created some friendships already that I know will be so important to me through my time here and beyond! Actually, I just spent a few hours tonight with my friend Carola at one of the many ice cream/frozen yogurt places here in Princeton. On a side note: as Betty Lee's granddaughter, it's about time I make my way to trying all these ice cream places! lol!!! (Did you like that, Grammy?!! hehehe!) Anyway, getting to spend time with her tonight was just exactly what I needed! With so much laughter, storytelling, and frozen yogurt, one can completely find a newfound hope for the week! :) And it was so wonderful to feel the Holy Spirit right there with us the entire evening as we shared our stories and how the Lord has moved in our lives! It's still new to me, openly and freely talking about the Lord with others, and every time it just blows me away at how amazing He is! I just love it! :)

Let's see.. what else happened this week? Oh! I FINALLY got to see and spend some time with Ryan! (For those of you from home, that would be the one and only Sir Ryan Krauss! :D) It was such an amazing and much needed evening! I honestly don't think I've laughed as hard as that, as I did that night, since I've been here in New Jersey. Talk about a good night! And to be able to talk to someone who I don't have to explain who people in my family are if I'm trying to tell a story is AMAZING. haha! Though sorry for Ryan, I told him that he's stuck with me now... bwahaha! He moves 4 hours away from home, and I've followed him! :D

Hmm... Oh! I scheduled for classes in the spring. What a crazy schedule that will be! I've got a full grad load of 15 credits worth of classes, which makes me nervous! I'm taking Contemporary Trends, which is my 20th Century Music Review class, Voice Ped 2, Voice Lessons, Symphonic Choir, a Music History Elective class that is on just Rachmaninoff and Tchaikovsky (I'm so excited!), AND... wait for it... Singing in Russian. Uhhhhh............ this class just, well I still can't wrap my head around the fact that I'm taking this class! I can barely speak clearly in ENGLISH and now I'm going to learn how to sing in RUSSIAN? Whoa! lol. I'm excited though that I'm taking that and the Music History Elective at the same time - talk about a great combination! :)

I looked at two housing options this week, and the one really feels like it's the one! I'm trying not to get my hopes up, and have just been praying that if it's where the Lord has for me, then that it will work out. Things are still just as difficult here in this current situation, but I've come to see that through this fiasco the past two weeks, that this moment and experience is simply a time to grow stronger in the Lord, and to continue to stand firm in His Word! The most important thing I can do right now is to remember to remain joyful in time of trial! (Thanks, Laura!) I thought for a while that I just managed to trick myself into believing that this place I'm in right now wasn't really from the Lord, and that it was the enemy using it against me to keep me from Him. But today as I was driving home from campus, I came to the realization that this truly was an answer to our prayers, because without this living place now I wouldn't be able to be here. Though it's been difficult and at times unbearable, I believe that this is an opportunity the Lord set before me to first and foremost, like I already said, just provide a way to get me here, and to become ever more dependent on Him in every time, good and bad, and to rest in knowing that all He has planned for me is good. My attitude about it has been poor, and that's affected how I've been feeling about it all. But if I continue to rejoice, regardless of the circumstances, and to refuse to for a second not believe that the Lord is good, and will deliver me from this trial, then the Lord can work in me, helping me to foster a desire to never be separated from Him through my very own attitude!

Attitude. What a silly thing, sometimes! Mine has been awful the past two weeks, and I'll be the first to admit it. I find it so embarrassing to look at the way I've been acting and see just how selfish and immature I've been, about so many things, and all simply because my attitude was in the wrong place! I've been struggling to see the Lord with me every day, and as a result I've fostered this ridiculous untrusting and dissatisfied position, holding on to everything that hurts me, every little thing that trips me up in a day, and creating so many unnecessary worries and troubles for myself! Well, I'm done. No more, no way no how! From this moment on, regardless of the situation, I choose to stand firm in God, in His Word and Truth, all the while knowing that absolutely every situation I encounter, He will be there with me waiting to guide my steps! I heard this song "Remind Me Who I Am" by Jason Gray for the first time last week, and it's absolutely amazing and so what I needed to hear through these past few weeks! These are the lyrics:

When I lose my way, 

And I forget my name 

Remind me who I am 

In the mirror all I see 

Is who I don't wanna be 

Remind me who I am 

In the loneliest places 

When I can't remember what grace is 

Tell me, once again 

Who I am to You, who I am to You 

Tell me, lest I forget 

Who I am to You, that I belong to You 

To You 

When my heart is like a stone, 

And I'm running far from home 

Remind me who I am 

When I can't receive Your love 

Afraid I'll never be enough 

Remind me who I am 

If I'm Your beloved, can You help me believe it?

Tell me, once again 

Who I am to you, who I am to You 

Tell me, lest I forget 

Who I am to you, that I belong to You 

To You 

I'm the one You love, I'm the one You love 

That will be enough, I'm the one You love 

Tell me, once again 

Who I am to you, who I am to You 

Tell me, lest I forget 

Who I am to you, that I belong to You 

What a song! I really could listen to this song all day, every day. Because it's something I need constantly! In this crazy world we live in, and in this difficult masters program I'm trying to be successful in, I need nothing more than to rest in the Truth that I am the one the Lord loves, and then to let that, to let Him, be my strength! I was telling Carola tonight that I'm so afraid that I'll never be able to hack this program out, because it is so very difficult. Especially when I look at my spring schedule! And that it's so hard for me to rest in knowing that this is exactly where the Lord wants me. Especially since it is so clear that He's the one who brought me here, without a doubt! Which is where I need to rest and fight these thoughts of being afraid I'll never be enough, or good enough... I simply need to remember who I am, and who loves me. Foregoing my fears and insecurities, wholeheartedly handing them over to my Father, who has His wonderful plan for me, a plan which I am currently unfolding, and in which I will succeed if I just keep my focus solely on Him. I know that if I let Him, He will do miraculous things in my life. He is all I need. While Princeton may sometimes feel like the loneliest and most impossible place to be right now, it is where He has brought me. And He is constantly here with me, therefore I shouldn't feel as lonely as I have! I am going to focus this week of remembering who I am, and who the Lord says I am, because He loves me and will see to it that my life is one of great reward, because He is a God who is faithful to those who love and serve Him. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever! I'm reminded of something that John Sinclair said to us one night at home groups in the spring... he said "Our lives are a picture of what we think about God! You're not going to do bigger than you think! He can always "out big" us!" Posing the questions to us: Do you see God as big enough to take care of you? Do you believe who He says He is? In every little minute area of your life?

God wants nothing more than to infuse us all with hope. To renew our faith and our hope in Him. We have a God who makes us whole. In those situations that are troubling us, if we follow God's lead there is hope, success, and blessing. There's nothing wrong with God, there's nothing wrong with His Word, and by the Blood of Jesus Christ there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with us! We can't allow our thinking to be framed by what anyone says to us in this world! The Word that God speaks about us in every area of our lives is true! I love this - it's not what you have in your pocket, it's WHO you have! And that's Jesus. And He loves you and wants nothing more than you to come to Him on your knees ready and willing to take that step out in faith - to give everything to Him. And trust that He is in control. We are qualified through Him who qualifies us! There is absolutely nothing in this world that we can face that we can't overcome through Him. So today, I choose to give thanks in every situation, be it good or bad, and to completely surrender everything I am and everything I have to the God who loves me so much more than I could ever fully comprehend.

Remind me who I am, Lord, so that I may live fully in Your grace, ever aware of your Spirit, resting in the peace that I'm the one you love, I belong to You, and that You will never leave my side. I am humbled by Your everlasting love and mercy, Father.

Casting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully. - 1 Peter 5:7

Let your character or moral disposition be free from love of money [including greed, avarice, lust, and craving for earthly possessions] and be satisfied with your present [circumstances and with what you have]; for He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down (relax My hold on you)! [Assuredly not!] 6  So we take comfort and are encouraged and confidently and boldly say, The Lord is my Helper; I will not be seized with alarm [I will not fear or dread or be terrified]. What can man do to me? - Hebrews 13:5-6

I will praise you in this storm...

Wow! It's been a crazy past few weeks. I'm so sorry it's been a few weeks since I've updated my blog here! Things have just been absolutely insane!

Where to begin? Well! I think I'm finally starting to find a sense of schedule after the Bocelli choir craziness! Which is good. I feel like I might be able to finally start to have a sense of self here now! School is going okay - it's just so very hard. Not that I expected it to be easy by any means, but I truly didn't expect it to be this difficult. I'm pretty good at adapting to jumping back into school mode and staying afloat in my classes, but here I feel like I'm drowning sometimes under all the work I have to do! Not to mention most days I just feel completely dumb. Everyone here is so talented and so insanely intelligent sometimes I feel like I can barely compare! It's kinda rough. Though, that's life sometimes I guess! What makes it even harder right now is that I had the most amazing weekend last weekend at home and in Indiana with my family and friends.. and that's made it even harder to come back here to a place where I feel like I barely have a handle on my chaotic life!

My voice lessons are absolutely phenomenal! In fact, my voice teacher was being observed last week by the chair of the graduate voice studies (or something like that!) and she told me this week when I told her about how I was so frustrated with myself and my voice that last week in my lesson, the chair who was observing her for her review, was absolutely stunned and completely impressed with me. He couldn't believe how I immediately improved on what we were working on in the lesson and literally said to Professor Thomas, "That voice has HUGE potential... HUGE." Talk about making me feel better about the progress I'm making! It's so reassuring to know that I'm not wasting my time and that I'm actually making progress with my voice! We've got a long way to go to get it to where it needs to be, but slowly we'll get there. And Professor Thomas assures me that I'm right where I need to be! :)

It's been a very trying week here. I'm currently in the middle of a housing fiasco, as I've started to call it, and essentially what it boils to down is this - I'm miserable here. This living situation is not what I expected it to be, and to be successful in any way the rest of this semester, I need to find elsewhere to call my home. And for my health, both physical and emotional, it is best that I find somewhere else and to move out of here. Though the thought of moving, while so very hopeful, fills me with absolute dread. I have a tiny car and a lot of stuff ... and conveniently no boxes or totes to pack full, since I sent them all home with Momma. It could be interesting. I'm going to look at a place next week that seems to be a good fit from first impressions, and I just keep praying that it will be. I will be so relieved when this whole thing is situated and taken care of. As I was talking to my voice teacher about this fiasco in my lesson, she said something to me that has continued to be in the front of my mind all week. I told her about how I'm struggling to really feel like I belong here, that I can succeed in this program and simply that I will be "good enough" and she said to me simply something along these lines "Oh, Jess - first of all, you wouldn't be here if you weren't good enough. And isn't it just so fitting of the enemy to put his hand to this whole situation? Making it feel even worse than it is? That's how you know you're meant to be here - that darn devil is present in the whole of it. Though the best part is, we're not gonna let him win, now are we?" Talk about a sure moment from the Lord! The exact moments I'm barely holding on by a thread here, consumed by the worry and fear from all the mountains in front me, and there is the Lord speaking to me plain as day through Professor Thomas. It still gives me goosebumps when I think about it. And it's so true! But yet, I continually find reason to believe that I'm not good enough to be here and that I was crazy to think I could ever successfully achieve my master's degree. When all that's really doing is inviting the enemy in to mess with me in any way he can get his hands on me, because by feeling that I shouldn't be here, I'm basically saying "Lord, you're wrong. I can't do this." HAH! Holy cow. Talk about absurd! Isn't it ironic that the times when we're feeling the most lost and confused, when we need the Lord more than anything, indirectly our actions are what's keeping us from Him?

Wow. What a caring, loving, and compassionate God we serve. Every time I deny His goodness by living in my little pity party here in New Jersey, He reaches out to me even more to show me that through it all He's never left my side, and that He never will. Most days I feel incredibly lonely here, having left all my friends and family behind me at home, in Indiana, Pittsburgh, Ohio, and even the Caribbean. But how can I feel lonely when I have my Father with me every step of the way, every minute of the day? I will continually be in awe of the love that the Lord has for me, even when I continue to make myself bigger than Him. I may feel like the world is crashing down around me most days here, and especially in the midst of this housing fiasco on top of the seemingly infinite piles of schoolwork, but I will continue to praise you and you alone, Father. You will see me through this storm, and those to come, because you are constant - you never change, and you never will. You are faithful to those who love you and follow you. And for that, I will be eternally thankful.

God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. 
- James 1:12

This week things will start to slow down after my first big exam in voice pedagogy on Monday. I'm so worried about this test, but my plans for the weekend are to lock myself away and study until my brain hurts! lol. Prayers are so very appreciated to help calm my nerves about this exam!

Here are a few pictures from my wonderful weekend getaway home and to Indiana! My heart aches for the life I left in Indiana, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that this is where I am supposed to be. So here I will stay until I have completed what the Lord has for me here!

Grammy can never keep her eyeballs open! Oh, well. It's cute anyway! :)

Sister loving :)

My heart belongs to this boy! 

Kisses for Aunt Jessa <3 This makes me miss him so much more!

Momma and I at the Homecoming Parade in Indiana! So happy! :)

DAN WAS THERE! Best surprise of the whole day! :)

Some of the most wonderful people I know! <3

Momma took me to the Commonplace! I don't think I could've had a better day in Indiana!